Wednesday, 7 March 2018

Dear diary,

I went back to Asiaworks for staffing, recalled me when I was a little girl that pretending that “I am strong to overcome anything, even though to break up with chubby boy, I can recover anyway”, this time, I was seated at the back table, writing log book and being the trainer’s transport. Being a trainer’s transport get a few minutes of the personal consulting session with the trainer yay!

On the first day, I was still in my heartache for applied too many leaves in February and March, not ready to be a small group leader (SGL) yet. I was so ganjiong and forgot my supplies when I stand on the chair to get my group members. HAHAHAHAHA

2nd day, I didn’t manage my job well, so I was there, but I was at my work too. I had a breakdown, from the work by Ken Ito, I realized the voice in me was yelling “I am useless, I am not good enough”. 

My biggest learning throughout the staffing: I made mistake, simply means that – I made mistake. I didn’t handle my job well, also simply means that – I didn’t get my job done. It never meant for “I am useless or not good enough”. So silly me...

I have met people that I think it’s a total karma for me, I couldn’t work them anyway. Another big lesson for me, learn to surrender, allowing other to have some space and make their own choice. No matter what result it is, favourable or not, I just gotta surrender to what it is. I AM NOT MY RESULT.

Each time after I recharged myself in Asiaworks, I realized I’m so in love with my chubby boy, how blessed I am to meet this guy. He is not perfect, but this is what makes him perfect. I have my love power back on hands, loving him unconditionally and not setting expectations are what to make it stronger. Not easy, but I’m doing it, this is how I choose to do something different this time.

Life is full of challenges, it is impossible to stop them coming. What I can do is, surrender to the moment, and choose to stand up again. 

Feel so light and relieved after all, what a great journey I have been through. 

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